I've been getting messages on my PSN from my ex. Unwanted messages. I replied to one, once, just before I picked up my stuff but no other...I'll copy them here to give me a bit of clarity because they're really bugging me.
~~~his messages~~~
23/6
Hi, can we meet up and talk? I understand if you dont want to... I dont know what else to say so ill just say im sorry for bothering you.
Dean
25/6
i can understand if you dont want to see me but you could have at least answered my message. i just want to sit down somewhere quiet like a cafe and talk things over. we dont even have to talk face to face, we both have msn. please think about it.
25/6
im sorry if i sounded pissed off earlier. truth be told its just that i miss your company alot right now. you are the closest friend ive ever had and pretty much the only person ive ever been able to confide in and relate to... i just miss what we had... im sorry.
~~~my reply~~~
26/6
Hadnt been online. Trouble with connecting ps3 to net and have been away and out a lot, moving house etc. Will think about it. No promises though. Am out all this weekend anyway, Clouds reunion tomorrow and then clubbing/beach after with the guys and girls from Blandford. Pretty busy next week too tbh, jobcentre and uni app to do. Must sort day to collect stuff too but that will not be a day for talking.. will let you know. PS could you give me your dads email add please, thanks.
~~~his replies~~~
27/6
$%&£*$^*"#~"~£$@hotmail.com.....i think.... Thankyou for thinking about it at least... i dont mind waiting if you've got a lot going on. Dean
27/6
I take it you know what it is i want to talk to you about?
3/7
Hi not trying to push as I dont mind waiting but I was just wondering if you thought about or were at a conclusion yet? you know what I want to talk about right?
5/7
jen im not sure if youve got the other message yet but i really need to talk to you. i dont mean to put pressure you but there is alot i have to explain and alot i need to say. im sure you know what its about so im hoping your willing to listen. please get into contact with me one way or the other.
5/7
I've realised why I made all the mistakes i did and I cant express how sorry I am..... I tried to do the best for you i could for 4 years please dont just forget me...........
15/7
please respond jen. i may have screwed up but i dont deserve this. i miss you so much. my memories torment me and im falling to pieces because of it. you were my world..... the only person i could trust or cofide in, the only stability ive ever had in my life. i still cant believe youve dont this to me. i would have done anything for you............
~~~~~~
Maybe it's a conscience lingering, maybe it's pity, but I keep thinking I should reply now but the twisted thing is the last thing I want to do is get in contact with him again. Dear reader if you have read the history written many a blog page ago you will know why. Do I accept the apology or take the implied guilt in the last 2 lines of that message? That's the thing, he is still in my head because he knows how to make me feel guilty and twist me into believing I'm wrong. But I'm not. I'm right. He does deserve nothing more than my silence....but I can't break that nagging feeling....it's impossible. Just when things started to go so well, it's all gone pear shaped.
I know it seems easy from the outside to say well just talk to him and see what he wants or block him, but it's not that simple, this guy pretty much had control over me for 4/5years and that's not an easy thing to break. Why can't he just disappear and live his life happy and normal for fuck's sake....
Jenivere Out.
~~~his messages~~~
23/6
Hi, can we meet up and talk? I understand if you dont want to... I dont know what else to say so ill just say im sorry for bothering you.
Dean
25/6
i can understand if you dont want to see me but you could have at least answered my message. i just want to sit down somewhere quiet like a cafe and talk things over. we dont even have to talk face to face, we both have msn. please think about it.
25/6
im sorry if i sounded pissed off earlier. truth be told its just that i miss your company alot right now. you are the closest friend ive ever had and pretty much the only person ive ever been able to confide in and relate to... i just miss what we had... im sorry.
~~~my reply~~~
26/6
Hadnt been online. Trouble with connecting ps3 to net and have been away and out a lot, moving house etc. Will think about it. No promises though. Am out all this weekend anyway, Clouds reunion tomorrow and then clubbing/beach after with the guys and girls from Blandford. Pretty busy next week too tbh, jobcentre and uni app to do. Must sort day to collect stuff too but that will not be a day for talking.. will let you know. PS could you give me your dads email add please, thanks.
~~~his replies~~~
27/6
$%&£*$^*"#~"~£$@hotmail.com.....i think.... Thankyou for thinking about it at least... i dont mind waiting if you've got a lot going on. Dean
27/6
I take it you know what it is i want to talk to you about?
3/7
Hi not trying to push as I dont mind waiting but I was just wondering if you thought about or were at a conclusion yet? you know what I want to talk about right?
5/7
jen im not sure if youve got the other message yet but i really need to talk to you. i dont mean to put pressure you but there is alot i have to explain and alot i need to say. im sure you know what its about so im hoping your willing to listen. please get into contact with me one way or the other.
5/7
I've realised why I made all the mistakes i did and I cant express how sorry I am..... I tried to do the best for you i could for 4 years please dont just forget me...........
15/7
please respond jen. i may have screwed up but i dont deserve this. i miss you so much. my memories torment me and im falling to pieces because of it. you were my world..... the only person i could trust or cofide in, the only stability ive ever had in my life. i still cant believe youve dont this to me. i would have done anything for you............
~~~~~~
Maybe it's a conscience lingering, maybe it's pity, but I keep thinking I should reply now but the twisted thing is the last thing I want to do is get in contact with him again. Dear reader if you have read the history written many a blog page ago you will know why. Do I accept the apology or take the implied guilt in the last 2 lines of that message? That's the thing, he is still in my head because he knows how to make me feel guilty and twist me into believing I'm wrong. But I'm not. I'm right. He does deserve nothing more than my silence....but I can't break that nagging feeling....it's impossible. Just when things started to go so well, it's all gone pear shaped.
I know it seems easy from the outside to say well just talk to him and see what he wants or block him, but it's not that simple, this guy pretty much had control over me for 4/5years and that's not an easy thing to break. Why can't he just disappear and live his life happy and normal for fuck's sake....
Jenivere Out.
Posts
What a bastard, he's still trying to control your life! I know this is a little tyoo easy for me to say but you can't let him take over you again.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I wouldn't meet him, I'd block him. Because you've tried to make it clear to him you want nothing more to do with him and if he can't accept that then there's not much else you can do!
I wouldn't give into his wishes because he's manipulating you to give in.
Hmm, I don't know if you want advice on this or not, or if, like me you just use blogs and diaries as a way to vent stuff. Anyway here's what I'd do...
ReplyDeleteTry my best to ignore him (and probably last about 10 minutes at best). If you can just keep being silent, you are a stronger woman than I, but I seriously think that is the best thing for you, and him, in the long run. Any reply could give him false hope about you getting back together in time, or staying friends.
Do not meet him though. From the little (very little, granted) that I know about you and him; your relationship was a learning curve at best, utterly destructive at worst. Seeing him and talking would, as far as I see it do nothing but open old wounds, and upset you, when you seem to be actually moving on and enjoying your twenties in the way you should.
So basically if you do decide to reply, I would just be short and sweet. Tell him that you never meant to hurt him on purpose, but that your life has moved on. Seeing him would do neither of you any good, and at the moment being friends would just cause both of you too much pain.
Just be really civil, but not overly emotional.
I doubt that helped much, but I hope it did. Just keep thinking about how good everything in your life is now, and try and put your ex behind you. He is not your resposibility.
Lot x