BrainVomit - The Ambiguous "You"

Well this may seem like a bit of a random post, and ambiguous too, but it is directed at "you". If you recognise something of yourself here, then maybe you should take it as a lesson, but the reason it's so ambiguous is because it's not a personal thing, more directed at a kind of metaphorical "you" with aspects I have seen in more than one place.

~~~~~~~

You. You make idols of shadows, shadows that are so unclear they barely resemble the ones that cast them. You place them on pedestals you craft from a past you remember so badly it is like a rose tinted blanket over your mind. You are not the only one, you are neither the first nor the last to worship false gods, to pray at temples where you will never be answered. You are not the only one to ever suffer the indignities of loss, and you again are not the first to never let go of what is past.

You cannot seem to realise how to move forward, maybe you are scared of the future untold, but unless you stop looking backwards to a past you cannot have again you will never know what joy the future might hold.

There was a time when someone may have made you their world, but that time has passed you by while you looked over your shoulder trying to see into the distance. There was a time too when someone was your whole world, but that time is also gone and it's time you stepped back in to reality. It may seem cold, but you will only make it colder with the ice of your own words.

You believe you are inferior, yet you strive not to improve but stagnate. You cut yourself off, but then wonder why the island you made for yourself is deserted. You are angry when you think your feelings are being disregarded, but you fail to see how much it is a mirror of your own bitterness which if anything is only a dull picture of the image of you it reflects. Your own medicine was something you never could bear the taste of, and yet readily you still hand it around.

You expect your action to have no reaction, as if you are in a world of no consequence, and yet you are the first to react, or overly so, even to pure silence. You anger yourself too quickly, it is no surprise others anger you more, and yet you still do not realise that what you are angry about will only be made worse by your haste of expressing your distaste.

You hide your feelings so well you are shocked that anyone could hurt them, but how can they know your toes are under the rug when they are so disguised, you cannot be too surprised if they are stepped on. And yet, too, when the feelings of others lay in your path you are not hesitant in walking on your way, barely glancing back at who you have wiped your boots on and showing no regard that you have done so.

You keep reaching for clouds, dreams that look so solid to you but are made of nothing but air. You cannot catch them, you cannot control them, every time you leap you will only fall further down. If you keep daydreaming, you will not see the true path you could be taking on your way and instead will only make your journey more difficult. In fact, the greatest obstacles in your way are only the ones you have made for yourself.

You need to realise who you are, what you are, before you lose yourself in the wrong path. You are not the only one, you are not alone. You are many, you are scattered and duplicated more times than can be counted. Your aspects can be seen all over the world and you should be stopped. You are the only one accountable for your actions, and you need to step up and better yourself before you fall beyond repair.

~~~~~~~

I'm in a creative and pondering mood today, maybe I'll write more later before I go. :)

BrainVomit - Too Quiet

I had been wondering how long it would be before I got another message from "him". So here's the new ones...

~~~~~~~~~~~

29/7 00:42am

i finally found out why things went to pieces. im confused about it tbh. never thought itd be something so simple and clear cut. if you want to know just ask and ill explain. i wouldnt bother with this but i believe that if you deserve nothing else you deserve an explaination... also i hope that in some small part it will help you forgive me as the way i acted was not entirely my fault. i dont expect that though..... its your call.

29/7 00:48am

oh side note i wont be able to reply over the weekend if you do want to know as itll be taken up completely with sonisphere.

31/7 00:35am

if you dont want to know or care then fine. But I find it fucking disgusting that you have such little regard for a friend and confidant that would have done anything for you. the last piece of advice ill give you is this. neitzche once said "battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster and if you gaze into the abyss the abyss gazes also into you" i hope you understand the wisdom of those words...

~~~~~~~~~~~

No, I understand the sheer arrogance of those words. Keep them to yourself you don't even know what they mean, pseudo philosophical bullshit, you quote what you do not even know. you buy the books but they remain, as ever, unread. And for the record your actions are your own responsibility, I dont know if I can hold any forgiveness for someone who cannot admit their own flaws. I admit mine, I admit pushing you into doing some of what you did sometimes. Not intentionally of course but I played my part in making you what you were as you played your part in bringing me to my knees. I've rebuilt my life and have little interest in your endless explainations of why you did what you did, as always with you, you have already come up with several different conclusions.

You going to Sonisphere? A festival? Fucking hell, you do realise there are people there don't you jackass? I'm assuming Sam is dragging you, because he cares about you and knows you need to get out. I can't see you volunteering to go away to a music festival and camp, least of all Sonisphere. I mean, fucking hell. It's just beyond belief. You, you who won't walk to the shop sometimes because you'll see a few people on the treet and start having a panic attack, convinced the 14yr old kids asking you to buy them alcohol are going to knife you on the way home. Well, it's your life. If you are actually becoming a decent person and living normally, good for you but I honestly don't care enough to follow your mediochre exploits into socialising. I'm bitter, but only because you can't leave me alone.

As for the friend and confidant and doing anything for me, cut the bullshit fuckface you couldn't even give me ONE NIGHT of peace. Even when I went away in that last week, to a party in the middle of nowhere, with friends, where there's never any signal, you just kept calling. So I hardly think you'd do anything for me. Ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That of course was the reply in my head. What I actually sent was , truthfully:

31/7 18:25

i've been out, away, etc. not checking messages here often.

And that's all I sent. I'm being honest. Allowing one shred of contact but I will block him if he starts up again or tries tugging at my ankles. I've moved on, very happily so, and all I remember are the bad times with him. Given how they far outweigh the good it's not surprising really. I'll collect the last of my things asap, then shut the door for good. It won't help him to be in contact with me, it will probably be easier on him if he stays angry and hates me. I don't want to be hated but in some cases it's neccessary. I may even have to piss him off a bit. Not what I want to do but it will push him away like a kick in the crotch. Which is always a good Plan B.

BrainVomit - The Video Evidence

DHIBBS - Durdle Door
Uploaded by Jenivere - Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms.

DHIBBS 2 Part 1
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DHIBBS 2 Part 2
Uploaded by Jenivere - Sitcom, sketch, and standup comedy videos.

DHIBBS 2 Part 3
Uploaded by Jenivere - Sitcom, sketch, and standup comedy videos.

DHIBBS 3 Part 1
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BrainVomit - Change, Duty, Failure and Paranoia

~~~~~~~Saturday Night - Paradise Lost~~~~~~~

Well I guess it's about time I blogged last weekend before this new one starts! After a week away from being together, the 4 of us in the DHIBBS crew banded back again to roll out. The evening started with me going to Dan's for a little while before we left for the pub. We walked up in the sunshine and I took a couple of shots for the opening of the next video episode. I guess it was a while we were at the pub, talking to people and chilling out with a pint or 2. By the time we left it was gone 9pm and we had to make the first pickup stop at Dan's. Something felt a bit different already though, I don't know how to describe it but it was like the atmosphere between us had changed a little. I brushed it off and went in to help pick up the snacks and booze we'd left there ready for the night.

Setting out on the road, music went on and spirits raised as we headed towards Poole and my house where the rest of the supplies and survival kit was waiting. We did a fairly quick pickup, throwing several sleeping bags and a tent into the boot and picking up a cd of classical music. Now, this may not seem like a fun thing but the music is a selection of famous pieces that have been used in popular films, so the first thing I did in the car was to demand that it be put on track 10 then started filming as it began to play. This made for one of my favourite clips from the whole weekend videos, which was Dan talking pirate to the sound of Ride of the Valkyries!

We were driving in what was now darkness, though it wasn't as late as it felt. The journey was going well with a vague plan to head to Durdle Door again and camp on the cliffs. We got a little lost like before but had a better idea of where we were going now. Marcus spotted a shape in the distance at one point, which turned out to be part of "Camp Bestival" - some kind of music festival like Glastonbury or Download only this one was at Lulworth Castle, just up from the cove and fairly close to our destination. We had a little look at the signs as we went through Lulworth Village and enquired about the camping, but were told the ticket office was closed and wouldn't be open until morning. Zac and Dan were very keen to go back the next day and check it out, but Marcus and I really weren't too bothered especially as we're both so short of money at the moment. Anyway, it was somehow agreed we'd check it out in the morning and drove onwards.

We got to Durdle Door feeling a little tired and more than ready to crack out a few pints and snacks and set up for the night just having fun. Dan and Zac went to get the parking ticket, because last time he had a warning notice for not having one. It wasn't a fine, more a slap on the wrist don't do it again type thing. We had seen you could pay for overnight parking, but it wasn't until we got there that we saw it was £20! Slightly miffed we headed off to Lulworth Cove for some reason, where we literally drove into the carpark and out again after Zac complained about his tyres being shredded on the gravel. I think he was already tired from the driving at this point as we'd been going almost 2hours by my reckoning. We drove off again down a dark road not really knowing where we were going until it was eventually decided to go and find Studland again and just go there. It had been great the weekend before and we just wanted somewhere safe and nice where we knew we could enjoy ourselves.

The rest of the journey got a lot quieter, for once there was no music on and the atmosphere had got a lot more tense since leaving Durdle Door. To be fair, Zac did apologise to all of us saying he was just tired from driving and really wanted to find somewhere and stay put for the night, he was also getting frustrated at having no mobile phone signal to text back some woman or another he was in contact with.

We eventually reached Studland without much further incident, and Zac decided to stay in the car. We left him to it, taking a couple of tents and our sleeping bags out towards the beach along with our supplies. By this time, it sounds a bit bad, but I was desperate to get a drink. It's a horrible feeling of starting out a night, getting a bit tipsy then sobering up again especially when there's a lingering feeling of unease, lost in the dark and desperate to park up and relax.

We had torches this time so the path wasn't as dark, I passed the camera to the guys for some filming as we went up but quickly got very paranoid on the dark paths especially when I was walking slightly ahead then realising they'd dropped right back. I asked them several times, just to stay closer to me and not let me go on so far alone because I was feeling really edgy and sketching out a bit but unfortunately right after I asked and turned around to walk on they just stood there and thought it hilarious when I turned around to see them in the distance behind me.

The laughter stopped when we reached the beach and turned right to see a strange light on the beach. I stupidly turned my torch on it to see if it was a fire or people. I didn't see anything but we hear it was people and as we were all a little uneasy about that we headed left instead. There isn't much beach to the left, but we weren't in any mood or state to find out if the other people were just friendly like us or likely to cause us trouble. We kept quiet until we found somewhere and crashed out on the sand hidden from wherever the others were. It was generally decided that tents were a no right then, but soon after we ended up taking them out and just laying them flat on the sand as groundsheets.

I had bought some rose champagne earlier, not posh stuff but something to celebrate the friendship between us all and the amount of time we'd been doing this. I handed around the plastic wine glasses and poured, thankful to finally be able to enjoy the night even if we were keeping our heads down and cautiously listening for the sounds of the drunks further down the beach. We had some drinks, the champagne and some red wine I'd brought with me as well, and we had some of the snacks too and got warm in our sleeping bags. Eventually, after much relaxed talking and a bit of laughter, we were all so shattered we fell asleep.

When I realised I was falling asleep I thought quickly that at least one of us should stay awake and be on guard in case anyone came down our way, so I asked Marcus to pass over the energy drink. It was in a litre bottle, full, which I'm sure you can imagine is rather a heavy thing. Dan in the middle reached over towards Marcus to take the bottle and pass it over but instead Marcus decided to throw it to an unprepared me. It hit me square in the face, cracking my nose which I then had to clench my teeth and snap back in to place. It was exceptionally uncomfortable, and not how I'd planned my day to be honest. I was worried for a bit that I hadn't cracked it right back straight but we were all so tired and to be fair a tad drunk so I fell asleep again, having not even bothered with the energy drink at all!

~~~~~~~ Sunday - Sleepy Screw Ups ~~~~~~~

Come morning, Marcus and I went through phases of slightly waking up, sitting up, looking over, then going back to sleep again. Dan was out cold, which wasn't surprising since we'd been up since 6am the previous day and he'd done a full day of work. When we woke up properly we left him to sleep on longer and did a little bit of filming until Zac joined us. Zac was on and off asleep through the early part of the morning too so Marcus and I did yet more filming from where we were sat while intermittently talking to Zac. Dan slept through it all, and I even filmed him snoring which will be good for him to see because he keeps denying it!

Eventually, Dan awoke as well, and after a little more filming we all headed back to the car to continue the day. Marcus and I really didn't want to bother with this whole Bestival thing, but Zac and Dan were fairly insistent on going that way so the long drive began again. We got there and made our way in to the car park, only to find that a day ticket alone would be £45, each. With the resounding opinion of "sod that" from all directions we headed back to Poole once more.

We were all on and off asleep in the car, while Zac had radio 1 on for goodness knows what reason but it was utter shite. Nothing the rest of us like. Shame we couldn't have just had one of the many cd's we all enjoy but his car his choice I guess. So anyway, apparently while I was asleep plans were made to go to a shopping type place near Bournemouth called Castlepoint. I had no idea of this so when I woke up assuming we were going to mine for coffee like usual I asked if we could stop at a supermarket so I could get ingredients and cook everyone a big fryup breakfast. Dan was asleep and when we got there he was confused, and turns out he really wanted to stay out at Castlepoint rather than going to a house where he'd most likely just fall asleep again. I felt so utterly crushed at getting it wrong I couldn't stop apologising, but Zac wasn't willing to drive further any more and was insistent on this new plan. I knew this had caused more tension and bad feeling and really could not shake the feeling of just having completely ruined the day in my sleepy desire for bacon.

Dan kept reassuring me it was ok, which is kind of sweet because I know it really wasn't ok at all, but still I got the ingredients to do enough for all of us and went back to the car with it. We got in to my house around 1pm, so I left them to play the PS3 while I cooked. It was a little lonely to be stood in the kitchen alone for half an hour just cooking and trying to do everything that everyone wanted right, but I didn't mind too much because I knew it would be appreciated when it was done and at least they were all having fun and relaxing again. We ate, and had coffee, watching the videos we'd shot and playing a couple of games before it was time to leave. I had to get to the jobcentre the next morning and look after my little sister, so slept exceptionally well.

~~~~~~~ Monday - Manic Morning ~~~~~~~

I went in to the jobcentre just about on time, waited a few minutes before the usual interview. Went over what I've been doing to get a job, changed my address, but they really aren't interested in you as a person just ticking the boxes, they don't even care much for what you've done to seek work as long as they can sign the bit of paper and click your money through then that's that. I went on to meet dad and Kaitlin round the corner, and took her down to the children's place up in the Dolphin shopping centre. I spent a good deal of time being dragged up ramps, through tunnels, down slides and into ballpits before I earned a cup of tea and sat her down with some juice. 5yr olds have such energy! I was texting a good friend and fellow Rocket Minion Alex during this time, sympathising with his work with children - he pointed out it was probably an awful lot easier having one with me than 5! He must have the patience of a saint to deal with 5...

Some more ball games and various adventures later, some of which I managed to let her go on without me and do (she agreed that I could stay out and wait for her rather than being dragged in again) her mum turned up to take her away again. It was nice spending the time with my little sister as I missed a lot of her early years, but it was equally nice to be able to just chill and wander through town on my own for a bit. I went to a few shops, and even tried looking around for some "naughty nightwear". I was texting Laura through the day because it was a little lonely to be shopping alone, and I thought she'd appreciate the Fallout 3 gaming humour with quips about finding naughty nightwear and gaining EXP. I text Dan a couple of times too, and while in the middle of a lingerie store (certainly not somewhere I'm used to going!) he called. This would have been fine if I wasn't half in half out of a corset in the changing room! I think I answered with something along the lines of "you pick a good time to call, I'm in a bit of a...erm...compromising situation in a changing room trying something on right now". A short conversation later and I managed to come out with a little dignity, and a great fitting item which was reduced from £50 to £10! I usually hate spending on clothes but it made me feel good about myself which is rare so I walked out with a smile and just a few odd looks from the cashier. By the time I went home I felt quite satisfied at a good day well spent in the sun.

~~~~~~~ Monday Night - Travels and Tribulations ~~~~~~~

I had plans to go and drop off the rent to my ex landlady that night, which meant a 50 odd mile drive to my old house. After that I went to see Dan with the new Watchmen DVD in hand. I bought it for him while I was in town, I knew he was going to get it from work but when I saw the special edition with the Rorschach face case I had to tell him not to and that I'd get that one instead! I was a little later than I intended to be, but I dropped off the cash and got to Dan's for our movie night, popcorn in hand! I hadn't seen Watchmen yet so I really didn't know what to expect but when I did see it I was more than satisfied with the result. Brilliant film! In return for getting that, he'd bought me Robot Chicken Star Wars 2, which we actually watched first. I was very thankful and happy because I really loved the first one and am quite the Star Wars geek at times!

So, 2 movies later we were tired and had to get up in the morning, but he was insitent on watching a bit of the moving graphic novel DVD he had of Watchmen too. By the time he was done I was already intermittently dozing off, and it wasn't long before we were both fast asleep. Good job really it was so late we needed the rest.

~~~~~~~ Tuesday and Wednesday - Time Flies?... ~~~~~~~

I don't even remember much of what I did Tuesday, I think it was fairly uneventful and not wanting to be clingy I told Dan I was going to pub but didn't make it seem like I was asking to go over or for him to go out or anything. So I ended up going pub anyway just to see the others, only stayed a few hours and then went on home again. Dan had talked about coming to Poole Wednesday so I asked but didn't want to push it because I'm paranoid about being too clingy or annoying. Turns out he didn't end up going and instead had a lazy day at home. I did eventually arrange to go and see him in the evening but felt awkward and paranoid about asking or inviting myself over. We went to the pub together and I stayed over, and it was generally a good evening spent together. I was a bit late though due to rain and putting on 2 sets of waterproofs only for it to stop raining 5mins after I left. Sod's law! We got to pub late but it was still nice to spend a shorter amount of time there. I did get more than a tad tipsy though, no food since lunch plus then a pint of cider and 2 large glasses of red wine, the last of which I had to drink in a rush to catch a lift home with Jamesy who kindly offered us the ride. It was a damn good night and we should have slept more than we did given the early start but oh well!

~~~~~~~ Thursday - Relaxation and Bliss ~~~~~~~

Well, Thursday didn't start relaxed. When I got home I had an hour and a bit before my sister was due to be dropped off for a while to be looked after while her mother went to do some work phone calls. Well it all screwed up when the kid didn't want her to leave, and acted up quite fantastically and ended up having to get back in the car and go home. I tried but I honestly don't know how to handle kids that young very well and there was no reasoning with her. She used her normal trick of lying and insisting on it "mummy said she's going to come in and stay here for 15minutes" then pretending she agreed with something before twisting it, "So you're going to stay here with me then Kaitlin so mummy can do some work?"...."Ok...(pause)....but mummy's staying here too" then she started crying and I just didn't know what to do with her - I'd tried distraction, reasoning, but the truth is she's not used to the seperation yet. She's only young and starting to deal with the anxieties of having parents split up. I can only hope the process won't damage her too much and that she won't remember when she's older. Dad later told me not to take it personally, that it really is just her not dealing with it and it seems to always be difficult for her mum to leave her here, somehow it's different to her if she comes here alone with dad and not to be dropped off. Oh well. At least I haven't heard any more slanderous undertones passed through her from her mother. I'm sure I've ranted about that one before though. Grr.

Anyway, the morning went by with a fair bit of rain and not much else, and I eventually went in to town. I was looking for a hairdressed and did find a few and pick up price lists, then collected a couple of comics for Dan (he's a collector, they're fairly good too, I've started reading over his shoulder sometimes hehe) and headed home. On the walk back I spotted a hairdresser I hadn't seen on the way up and found out their prices were better than any of the others so booked myself in for this very afternoon (in a couple of hours in fact, so I should hurry up with this blog!). It needs a trim and I'll be glad to have it neater.

I went to Dan's last night again, and again we went to the pub together. It was nice, another relaxed one, though we did walk home at intense speeds because we passed a bit of chav related trouble. They were more interested fighting with themselves but we weren't about to take any chances. When we got home, we were on the sofa for a while munching strawberries I'd bought in town and cudling up watching south park. I fell asleep a couple of times because I was so tire,d having walked a good 7 or 8 miles total that day, so he eventually woke me up to go to bed. I was wide awake by the time we got upstairs, and after some...uh...activities, we were just laying cuddled up and I just had the sudden realisation that I was in one of those moments. You know those moments where the world stands still, where everything is silent apart from the sound of the person next to you? It was just sheer bliss, I felt so happy and so utterly relaxed there wasn't even a vague hint of paranoia left. I went to sleep so content I didn't want to get up in the morning but just lay there and never let the moment end.

Unfortunately though this morning we had to get up again, he had to work and I had to go home again, but it just felt so perfect and happy even when parting that I'm still smiling now, several hours later.

Sadly, there won't be any DHIBBS this weekend, or the one after, and the one after that is the big trip when everyone will hopefully be down to spend the night on the beach, and then it's pretty much going to be too cold to carry one. It's a shame, but there's birthdays this month with events to attend, we're doing this saturday alone, and my trip has been long in the planning so I'm looking forward to it. I know the crew will all be there but it won't be the same as just the 4 of us, it'll be so much bigger. In a lot of ways I feel this crazy summer is over, but I'm not too upset about it really. Through the weeks together we've become firm friends, and I don't think we'll lose that. I've found somebody who I actually feel relaxed around, and have no cares in the world, someone who I care about deeply and who cares about me and likes me for who I am in every sense of who I am, even when I'm silly and make mistakes. I talked to him about being paranoid about being clingy and he said not to worry he'll always let me know if he wants space, and I believe him, because tonight he's having a chill night in to himself with some gaming and I think I'll probably do the same. May head to the pub but then I will be out all weekend so not sure if I can be bothered to spend the fuel on it tonight. But still, all my former worries dissolve in the incredible combination of his warm, comforting arms, his gorgeous green eyes and the smile that gives me butterflies.

~~~~~~~ Thought of the Day ~~~~~~~

Sometimes we are blind, looking in to the sun trying to find our dreams we end up stepping over the edge. Before we know it we're in the clouds, not sure if we're flying or falling but realising we just don't care any more.

BrainVomit - Block, Unblock, Gravity and Art

I haven't done any creative writing in a while, call it extended writer's block if you will but that's the general idea. I should be writing something of the weekend but I feel like popping this one in first before I launch into the account of our latest adventure. See, last night, Dan spent some time working on his drawings, graphic artists, they do need time to perfect their work...but anyway, I had left the laptop at home so I couldn't start on blogging or anything, so instead I asked for paper and pen with the idea of writing again. I came up with 2 pieces, the first of which is utter crap and may end up just being a few ideas that carry on into something better, the second plays on a few ideas I've had recently and is structured to be a song if ever I find a singer or a band to play it, or even just write the music...Anyway, both of these were fairly rushed, ish, and quite honestly rubbish so feel free to skip to the end, dear reader, and I will not blame you.

~~~~~~~ Art ~~~~~~~

Pain I once thought my only muse,
The greatest inspiration from the tortured mind,
A tired cliche of the troubled poet,
Writing in perfect form, verse and rhyme.

I am no artist,
Paint or clay,
Try as I might,
They will not obey.

Form I once thought was all I need
But music lends such weight to my words.
A sweet melody to echo around,
Colouring the chorus, painting the verse.

I am the writer,
Paper and pen,
The block is broken,
So they meet again.


~~~~~~~ Gravity ~~~~~~~

Freefall, like Newton's apple,
The one thing we cannot control.
Leaning over the edge I wonder,
What waits for me below?

Vertigo kept me back from the top,
But curiosity beats back the fear.
Now I wonder if I'll slip,
And who would catch me if I fall.

Take me back to where I found peace,
Somewhere between the moon and the sea.

Gravity tugging at my sleeve,
Can I stay or should I leave?
Stars are falling to the sand,
Midnight weighs heavy upon this land.

White cliffs I build for myself,
Carving steps into the stone.
The higher you are, they say,
The further you will fall.

Take me back to where I found peace,
Somewhere between the moon and the sea.

Gravity pulling stronger now,
Daring to drag me down.
Rain falls to cleanse the stain,
To drain away my mistakes.

What goes up must come down,
But now I feel so perfectly high.
If I let go, stop holding on,
Will I only hit rocks again?

Take me back to where I found peace,
Somewhere between the moon and the sea.
Take me back to where I found me,
Somewhere I am finally free.

Gravity gripping at my heart,
Did it stop or will it start?
Open arms into freefall,
The gamble to fly or lose it all.

~~~~~~~

The artistic temperament is a funny thing, dear reader, for after writing I do not mind it being read, hence it finds a home here, but then I cannot bear to sit still while someone reads in my presence. I can't sit still and get so horrifyingly self conscious it's almost stupid. I let Dan read when he asked, and I don't think I've ever felt more uncomfortable in the space of one minute. I am an open person, and often pride myself on that mark, but now I feel so terrified of rejection or messing up that I almost just want to close off completely. Ho hum. I also did a small drawing on the bottom of the page, an idea that always fascinates me and the one thing I can actually draw purely because I've doodled it so many times. Apologies for poor quality biro version, and sideways-ness, I will try and get it the right way up later.


Anyway, now I should be off. I need to go to the job centre this morning then look after my little sister for a couple of hours. 15 minutes to smarten myself up into something vaguely resembling presentable and write out the little JSA agreement booklet....sure, it'll be fine. Weekend blog later or tomorrow, that's a promise.

Jenivere Out.