~~~~~~~~~ Friday 11:50pm – Waiting ~~~~~~~~~~
I've been assured several times the DHIBBS crew are on their way but it's nearly midnight and they're still not here. I don't blame them, I mean they were at Bryanston having a good time and I'm just stuck out here with no fuel and no money for fuel because, just when I thought I'd been paid my JSA and all was well it turns out I have nothing. Again.
I'm grateful they're still driving all the way out here to come get me, would have been nice if it was earlier I'm worried there's so little of the weekend left now but I guess I can just relax for now, listening to The Cure, and be patient.
I've realised that right now my life lacks an essential thing – balance. I'm so all over the place I just have no stability. I guess I didn't really need cards to tell me that but they certainly helped give me a little bit of clarity. Yes, reader, I am getting back in touch with my spiritual side. I found I can to a small degree share telepathy with a tiny minority of people. There's a few people I can be sat near and just pick up on specific thoughts, like they're going to meet someone at such a place and such a time is one example from when I was 16. I closed off for a few years, seeing as -someone- disapproved, but it's ok now I can just open up and let loose. The other day in the pub some likeminded people were around and I managed to transmit a strong image of the colour bright blue, like lightning, to one of them without her realising it. Well she was trying to aura read, and I just focused and looked into her eyes until a minute of silence later she said she saw a bright blue line horizontally between us. Strange, no?
I wish they would hurry up, but when Dan rang he did say the plan was still on. He actually had the nerve to tell me to stay awake! I replied “Dude, you're telling ME to stay awake?!” and apparently the exact same moment Marcus standing next to him said “You're telling JEN to stay awake?!” - giggles! They know me too well already! I'm taking Minx's advice and relaxing, just calming the feck down because I move too fast sometimes. I guess that's just the way I am and it's hard to change, but one should never stop trying to better oneself, no?
I want to be in the sea right now, diving underneath the waves until I can feel the sand of the depths in my fingers.Being underwater is so liberating, so free, so peaceful but invigorating. If I couldn't go to the sea I would probably go mad. I'll never live inland it's not right, I am lost without the soothing feel of water enveloping me, lifting me, making me weightless and almost powerless in the tides. Maybe I should have been born a fish?
Oh hurry up guys I'm getting bored sat here! If I didn't know you were on your way for the last few hours but then found out you got caught up with the others in Blannie I wouldn't be half as bored, but it's because I'm clockwatching and looking out the window I'm getting a little impatient. Must...learn....to....relax!!!
~~~~~~~~~ Sunday – Coming Down Again ~~~~~~~~~~
Wow. Well just after I wrote the last bit of that a car pulled up and Dan and Marcus were outside my window. That's where the night began. We headed off to Lulworth, or at least that was the plan but at 1am in the darkness we spent a very long time driving around in circles, through army firing ranges that had signs everywhere just saying “Sudden Gunfire”. Comforting, then we saw tanks, thankfully not active and almost hit a deer before we finally reached Lulworth....to discover the tide was in and there was nowhere to go.
A short while later we were just down the coast at Durdle Door, walking down to the cliffs with a tent, and a case of beer amongst other things. Later the guys went up to get a tent and some sleeping bags, I really should have taken mine with me our feet got very cold! We picked a spot on the cliffs (as seen below in morning, we arrived in pitch black darkness and did not know where the edge was so stuck sensibly close to the path), and first of all just laid out our coats and had a pint. When the tent and sleeping bags got brought down I was already pished from the few I'd had already, so I opted out of helping Zac put up his tent other than to look at it and declare “you're doing it all wrong dude”. Instead, me, Dan and Marcus shared one sleeping bag spread on the ground with another over the top of us.
It was fairly windy but we sat up talking, while Zac went to sleep in the tent. Dan was in the middle, and me and Marcus were huddling up to him for warmth. It ended up just being me huddled up to him after some tickling took place with both of us. Marcus eventually went to sleep, which he has since denied, and it was left just the 2 of us talking as usual. We were sharing wine, and to be fair Marcus was on and off sleeping I guess so we weren't really alone but we were so warm and relaxed, well it was just so nice.
Come morning, Marcus went to the tent and Zac came out, we sat a while the 3 of us still talking, then when Marcus was up we had some kettle chips which passed as breakfast at 7am. After that, Dan and I made some excuses about wanting to go for a wander when the others wanted to rest a bit longer and headed up to the cliffs. He took my hand as we went up and it felt somehow....natural. We stopped at one point and lay in the grass for a while, talking and chilling, then walked on a bit further to the top and did the same again.
We didn't kiss, and I'm almost glad because I really don't want to rush headlong at my usual 100mph pace and screw up, and besides dry mouth from drinking is never good first thing in the morning. Maybe I should have, but all is well. I'm back to my usual shy self despite this recent confidence, I'm sorry to report the confident, grabbing life by the balls Jenivere is just as nervous when it comes to this kind of thing. It seems he's just as awkward, or just such a gentleman or so laid back it didn't matter. Either way...that's how it is for now. Maybe when I see him next....time will tell dear reader, time will tell all.
Well after we packed up and left Durdle Door, we went back to my place in Poole and played a few games of Worms, despite the plan to watch a film! It was greatly enjoyed by all apart from Zac who was on and off sleeping. He never seems to really enjoy or get in to the Sunday afternoons with DHIBBS. It was a short one today though because Dan's cousin's kid's christening was at 3pm so he had to go and look smart for that. All the time we'd been there the 3 guys crammed on my bed and I had the chair, so when they were leaving Dan hung back last and we had a really long hug, complete with mutterings about the weekend being super amazing awesome epic win. That was an hour ago and I'm still smiling. He text me a short while ago “Gone from looking like alex mercer to a shirt and smart trousers. The worm mercs will get the epic win next time!! X” which made me smile more. Bless me I think I'm starting to relax a bit.
Thing is I'm still paranoid about not being liked, given what my ex said and a recent occurence too doing nothing to dispel that fear it's difficult, but I have to remind myself to slow back down to earth pace again, not travelling at the speed of Jen. Listening to some chill music now which is helping but it's also making me sleepy! Oh dear! Fail!
I hope my money properly clears tomorrow, then I'm free to go to Blandford and go pub with the gang, and same again Tuesday, then I can stay at Dan's til Wednesday or he said maybe Thursday as he's working a late then. Ho hum we shall see, if not he can stay here I guess, but he has to get here and back which is more of a problem.
~~~~~~~~~~ Thought of the Day ~~~~~~~~~
Happiness can be found in the most unexpected of places, if you have to look you won't find it.
Jenivere Out.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment