~~~~~~~~Wednesday Morning - Wake Up Calls~~~~~~~~~~
I'm adding another sin to the 7 deadlys. Sleep. It's irritating when I can't sleep and everyone always sleeps far longer than I ever will. Last night, we roll on in at 4am, and end up laying around absolutely shitfaced drunk listening to chillout music. I agreed to 5 minutes of sleep – 5 MINUTES! 5HOURS later and the sod can't even be bothered to get up. Boredface. I'm sat on the floor playing Europe on my laptop and writing this because I have fuck all better to do.
So last night then. What happened? Well I can tell you one thing, the truth of the matter is nothing like how all the rumours are going to be. Humanity has a need to gossip and a general inability to accept that 2 people of the opposite sex can be friends and hang out without something else going on. It really does irritate me! It's not like I'm ruling anything out I just don't want other people involved saying “oh you guys should get together” it just complicates a perfectly reasonable friendship.
I guess it doesn't help that I've all of a sudden started hanging out at the pub and talking to Dan a lot but I talk just as much to anyone who is interesting. It's normal ok?! Just as normal as hanging out every weekend and some weekdays too. Or staying overnight. Or walking down the beach when everyone else is asleep or boring. Ok so it's normal in my world damnit!
I think I probably said too much last night but in my defense I was drunk and had things on my mind so the things then ejected from my mind because I hadn't had a good old BrainVomit beforehand. Basically, to take away the vaguery I'm drifting into now I think I should explain the happenings of last night.
Plan formed to go to pub, then plan changed to include parking bike at Dan's then walking to pub, getting pissed and then staying over afterwards. It ended up that we were on the beach again with the crew (minus one, there was a replacement instead). The other 2 got pretty cosy as soon as we sat down so we decided to head on up the beach and found a space to sit on a grassy knoll. Different grassy knoll to the one we were looking for snipers on at the weekend, for some reason that one seemed to have disappeared. We sat, we drank more booze, we talked a heck of a lot about a lot of things and during the course of that I realised that conversation was now taking a more serious turn than just gaming and the usual crap. So conversations were had, and eventually the others got bored and found us and we went home, crashed out on bed drunk and listened to music before sleep occurred. And absolutely nothing else. Ok? Is that cool with you reader? Because I know as soon as we get to pub later rumours will already be in circulation.
I will probably document the happenings of the rest of today at some point then stick it all online the next time I get to the park. I really hope that it will just be a day of chill and relaxation, we're off to some shopping centre with Dan's sister so should be giggles? I don't know to be honest I think I'm losing track of all thoughts now so I give up and instead shall get on to the important business of waking the lazy bastard up. Wish me luck!
~~~~~~~~~Thursday - The Good, The Bad, and The Broke~~~~~~~~~~
Alright, so it's Thursday now and I've just got home. Well I've had a bath so I've been home a short while. Wow. What a day. When we eventually went out yesterday we just went to Poole for a couple of hours, it was nice I guess but a sodding bird took a huge crap on my hat, and another on my coat. Not impressed! There's not really anything much to mention from the town, we wandered, we saw people, people stood talking for an hour about other people and I zoned out to my happy place with the music from the magic roundabout on a loop in my head with thoughts of running around in a cardboard box, Snake style. Well it sure as hell beats getting involved in petty social politics!
So the afternoon. We went back to Dan's again and crashed out playing Smash Bros for a few hours. It seems to have become a habit thing of after going places Super Smash Bros is a plan made of win. Ok, so I'd rather be playing awesome games on decent consoles but it's a laugh and doesn't take too much concentration so it's all good.
A few few rounds later the console was taking too much concentration so instead we ended up just laying back listening to chilled music and talking. Plan was to probably head to the pub at some point, and it ended up that Zac rang about 9pm when we were undecided and offered us a lift so the decision was made anyway.
I find it so strange how much we have in common, and how we can actually keep talking for hours on end, well even days on end when you think about it, and not get bored of each others company. I feel like we've been friends for a while now, though we have only really known each other well for the last couple of weeks thanks to the DHIBBS crew that started one spontaneous Saturday night at the pub. I love just how crazy life is, I feel like a whirlwind, a little tornado gaining speed but with no real direction, just drifting where life takes me and picking things up on my way. I feel happy, like I'm heading somewhere but I'm flying blind in the middle of crazy winds pulling me one way then the other, but I don't care because I trust wherever it goes is the right way. I make no sense any more.
Anyway back to last night, Zac eventually turned up closer to 10pm so we reluctantly headed out. I say reluctantly, I was up for getting some fresh air and walking a bit but at the same time I was just so comfortable laying there looking up at the sky out the window, talking and laughing as if we'd known each other for years. Laughing like kids, because Dan's ticklish and unfortunately found out I am too, so there was a bit of that while listening to music. I'm grateful for being able to relax like that because earlier in the day I'd been getting more and more stressed about what I'm preparing to do now – picking up my stuff from Dean's house. I don't want to go and it has been getting to me that I may just walk out with nothing because his dad is too spineless to stand up to him for what's fair.
So anyway, without being distracted much more and going off on a tangent, we went to the pub. Everyone was outside in the garden, so we joined on the benches and I met a new person I hadn't before. Zac left early, I think he had things on his mind quite possibly to do with this April chick we were hanging out with on the beach but as I don't know for sure I'll keep right out of it. It also seemed like he wasn't in the mood to be hanging with us because he barely said a word to anyone. It seems like one of those things he needs to work through himself.
We all had a good laugh and when it was time to go the others were talking about going off to the Milldown to keep drinking and mish about. Considering we'd made plans to go out the following night (now later tonight) to the club with some others, we weren't too bothered with it. So we walk back to his again and stand outside his door deciding if I'm going home or not. Decision was made that I didn't feel like driving in the dark, so we went in and watched tv on the sofa for a while.
My social ineptitude resurfaced when we were trying to work out where I was going to spend the night. There's a spare room with kids beds but I still had a few things on my mind about picking up the stuff and so didn't really want to be alone with my thoughts, and didn't want the conversation to end just yet either. A few confusions later it was agreed I'd take the side by the window and just crash on top of the quilt and he'd get under it when he was done talking and wanted to sleep. Well we ended up listening to very quiet chilled music and talking for a good couple of hours before he eventually went to sleep. I did keep telling him he had work today and that he needed to sleep so I claim no responsibility for how tired he looked when we got up this morning!
Alarm went off at 9am, as usual I'd been awake since 8am, the cat had climbed in through the window overnight so I was watching her as she mewed at the birds and stroking her when she curled up on my lap. Dan stopped falling asleep again at about 10ish, and his sister Claire had arrived so she made him coffee and shouted up saying it was getting cold. We went down, he had coffee and a smoke then said he'd be “back in 2minutes”. I talked to Claire for a good half hour at least before he reappeared. Bless. She's lovely by the way, I quite enjoyed just sitting there in the kitchen chatting with her which is good because there's not many girls I can talk to for an extended period of time without getting bored. Maybe I'm just in a really good state of mind right now.
So we talked a bit longer until it was time for Dan to go to work, Claire gave him a lift and I headed out home. I had a nice long bath when I got in and have since been sat listening to music and writing this. I'm now waiting for dad to get back so we can go and collect everything from Dean's place. When we are in and unloaded again I'll be getting changed at lightspeed and going out to the club. Not sure how I'm getting home but I'll work something out when I'm there. Claire's driving up with Dan and others sometime after 10pm, and I'm sure some other people said they were up for going but if not I'll rock out alone and have a few drinks because I'm not sodding driving anywhere!
I'm just going to rewind now and take a moment to think over some of the things in my mind. I mean it just seems so weird how I met Dan ages ago and we have briefly spoken a few times but suddenly just realised how similar we are in a lot of ways. Like he said at some point last night – how the hell did we not hang out before?! Sense of humour, so similar, music taste uncanny, and just this ability to sit and talk without getting bored. Another thing he said last night was that he likes hanging out with me because I'm not like the rest of them, like the incident with the swimming which I thought was probably a bad idea but I'd do it again in a heartbeat because life is for living. I think he's probably more likely to put up with or agree with my crazy schemes, I guess that's a good thing! You know it's scary, I was actually talking so openly to the guy like I trust him no matter what I say – something is definitely wrong in my head there! But then it worked both ways, we talked a lot about things you wouldn't necessarily sit there and talk about in the pub with anyone. What am I really saying? Am I getting far too close far too quickly? Who can stop a tornado when it starts to blow, and who says that being close means anything more than friendship? Oh dear, I'm overthinking 2 crazy weeks. Let's just get tonight over with, get my belongings back and take it from there. I'm not sure when I'll upload this so I'll just have to wait and see. Maybe there'll be more to add by then. For now, dear reader, farewell.
~~~~~~~~~~~ Friday - Freaks, Fuckups and Fail~~~~~~~~~
Well another day done, and where am I now? Sat at home watching Top Gear with the sound off and thinking over the last evening. Got a chilled selection of music on for now, the very song playing now is an instrumental version of House of the Rising Sun, I'm trying too hard to relax in the face of the new stresses that have appeared.
Last night. I suppose that's a gap that needs to be filled. Well I got most of my stuff back from the ex's place. I didn't even have to see him let alone speak to him so I guess that can only be a good thing, and I highly doubt he'll be wanting to contact me since I took the TV. Yes I did get it, but nothing else. Thousands of pounds worth of things that I bought, all his now. Ridiculous. Even more ridiculous when you think that when I got a lot of them it was through him pressuring me to and often left me exceptionally stressed from having absolutely no money and barely affording fuel to get to and from work. Insane.
We got back around 9pm and unloaded the car and trailer, so by the time I left for the club it was gone 10pm. I ended up driving because I couldn't get a lift there and figured it can't hurt if I don't drink for the night I can have a few cokes and some fun. Well I forgot when I left that I do not know my way around Bournemouth so I took an extremely long scenic route. I wasn't lost, I just misplaced my destination.I pulled up at the petrol station to take out a few quid from the hole in the wall to get in to the club and maybe a couple of drinks. Damn thing was broken so I went inside to get cashback instead. To my horror it as declined, twice. I'd been to Tesco earlier, used card, and got a couple of things. So I knew the money was there and there's nothing wrong with the card, I just couldn't get to it. Just then Luke walked by, who was going up in Claire's car so I double checked who he'd come with to see if they were still in the carpark. I told him the cashpoint was broken and he headed off to another one but not before he offered to pay for my entry to the club. Bless. It's good to know friendly people. I drove around to park the vehicle and locked it up just as he came back so he paid for us both and I went in to crash on the sofa with my thoughts.
I danced to a few songs that night but nothing like I normally would. Just when I thought things were going perfectly they screwed up once again. I thought, great, I have my stuff with minimal trouble and I have been paid my JSA today so I can just relax and not worry about buying a couple of cokes or whatever, but no. No, life can't be that simple, now I have no money at all for the next 2 weeks. That means no fuel to go and see people, no fuel to go to the coucil and ask where the hell my housing benefit money is. No sodding fuel to go back to my place in Gillingham and pick up my stuff so I can move out. Fucking.....insane.
I couldn't clear it out of my head. 2 weeks with no money is not very easy at all.Especially seeing as I want to do nothing more tonight than go back to Blandford and go hang out in the pub, and Saturday I want to go and collect my PS3 and some more clothes then I can chill back in Poole, and go out with the DHIBBS crew for the rest of the weekend. I wanted to enjoy myself last night but it was so difficult to get in the mood with all that hanging over my head.
But then, I did enjoy myself more, especially as the night went on a little later. When I'm stressed and sober I often forget just how to let my hair down, I just need a bit of time to remember that I can let it go and dance my life away. Shame the music got a bit shit, we ended up crashed out on the sofas though so I guess that's no great loss. The only thing not so good about that is it's useless for conversation with the music so loud. Oh well. Nothing more really to say about the night except when going to leave it turned out we were in the same car park, but at opposite ends. Claire and the others walked over to their car but Dan followed me over to the bike while I sorted it out, and by the time I left had about 5 hugs goodbye. Of course, I'm not complaining but if I hadn't put my helmet on and started the engine I never would have been able to leave!
Ho hum. That's the end of that little bit of win anyway I won't be around for the next couple of weeks. I doubt money will magically appear to buy fuel so I'll just give up and go back to gaming, it makes a lot more sense than trying to understand humanity anyway. I'll miss it, the last couple of weeks have overall been quite incredible. But the wind is dying now, the air is still and I'm once again left alone in the wasteland looking at the wreckage of a thousand broken hopes and dreams. Maybe it's time I wrote some music or lyrics later, that would make me feel a little better perhaps. Anyway it's off to the park to upload this now. Farewell, dear reader, may you have more luck than I.
~~~~~~~~ Thought of the Days ~~~~~~~~
Some things you should not search for but let them find you. Do not reach for them but when they come close don't let them leave or you may regret it for the rest of your days.
Maybe I'm daydreaming a bit, that doesn't make much sense even to me but it was in my head and now it's not, so take it as you will and however you interpret it, whatever it makes you think or feel is entirely your own.
Jenivere out.
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