Today my luck took an odd lot of shifting. I woke up to the phone ringing, and shortly after got the message saying I could go in or the scan today if I called them back to confirm. So I did so and got it booked for 1:45pm. They asked me to get there for between 1:15 and 1:30 so I had a relaxed morning, a long bath, and planned the bus I'd need to catch.
I walked down in time for the bus, but after 5minutes it hadn't arrived. I guessed it had gone by early and figured I'd still have time to get the next one as they come at 10minute intervals anyway. The time for the next bus came, and went by again, when it was 5mins late for that one I was at panic stage - if I missed the scan appointment there'd be a long wait for the next one and I'd be wasting time someone else could have needed. Luckily, a different bus came by and I got to town centre just in time to hop on the next bus to the hospital. I wasoriginally going to walk to save money but I bought a return ticket because quite frankly walking is still rather uncomfortable.
I got there in time, and after checking in at the dest I was sat waiting for about 25minutes before I was wheeled down to the right department. I could have walked but I guess it was easier that way and I didn't have to figure out directions for myself. They dropped me off and I was shown to a cubicle to go for the old gown combo. Another 30mins of waiting and they had the paperwork they were waiting for and I went in for the scan. It was an ultrasound across the veins to locate any potential clots in there. Thankfully they found none and after changing back and another wait I was wheeled back upstairs. Another while of waiting and I was seen by the DVT doc who reaffirmed the scan showed all clear and that I was free to go but had no insight as to what was causing the continued pain. The only advice I was given was go home and if it continues go back to the GP again. Great. So it's probably another "stress related" thing, known as an act of god in some circles, or in others simply one of the world's more annoying mysteries.
So that's it, there's no big problem but it's still intensely painful to walk anywhere and by the end of the day I can't even wiggle my toes without pain shooting through the muscle. Fantastic. I would probably be more relaxed if they'd found a clot because at least then it could be treated, get better, and I wouldn't look/feel like a hypochondriac lunatic.
The other thing getting to me today is that I miss Dan. It's not just that I miss him so much as right now I really want to hear from him. It's crazy, I'm not normally this dependant, but there's been so much stress over the past couple of days...and though I now don't have to worry about any more painful jabs or trips to the hosp I'm feeling lower than ever. Sometimes I feel like I want nothing more than to talk to friends, be around them, stuf like that, but I don't want to be moaning about problems or focussing on them. I used to be that whiney depressed one in the corner and I feel like I'm going that way again which is not what I want. At least here it's easier to sit in the background without dragging anyone else down with me.
I wish I was tired enough to go to sleep so I could just wake up in a day or so time when I can see people again, I'm sick of being so lonely with nothing to do but fill in endless forms applying for soul-crushingly pointless jobs I'm overqualified for and looking at the empty space where not even rejection letters fall. It does have a funny way of making a person feel entirely useless when they don't even get a reply from a ridiculous shop job with training provided when they have a ton of experience in the role and plenty of good grades behind that too.
To pass the time I've been trying to make a level on LBP, building my own rocket powered rollercoaster. It's not as easy as I'd hoped, and the frustration is depressing me more. I'm tempted to just go for some Fallout 3 to kill time until I can sleep again but all I want is to hear from the person I care most about. He's probably run out of credit or gone to sleep after long day at work, so I'm not paranoid about it or anything silly like that, I just miss him now. I didn't realise how dependant I've become on his presence and words to lift my mood. Maybe it's not even so much dependance, as just how low I feel now I crave that which makes me happiest.
~~~~~~~Thought of the Day~~~~~~~
When did it happen? When did missing you turn from a distant apathy to a longing for just one more kiss, one moment in your arms... I'm holding my breath waiting or just one word, because tonight any word will do as long as it comes from you.
Jenivere Out
I walked down in time for the bus, but after 5minutes it hadn't arrived. I guessed it had gone by early and figured I'd still have time to get the next one as they come at 10minute intervals anyway. The time for the next bus came, and went by again, when it was 5mins late for that one I was at panic stage - if I missed the scan appointment there'd be a long wait for the next one and I'd be wasting time someone else could have needed. Luckily, a different bus came by and I got to town centre just in time to hop on the next bus to the hospital. I wasoriginally going to walk to save money but I bought a return ticket because quite frankly walking is still rather uncomfortable.
I got there in time, and after checking in at the dest I was sat waiting for about 25minutes before I was wheeled down to the right department. I could have walked but I guess it was easier that way and I didn't have to figure out directions for myself. They dropped me off and I was shown to a cubicle to go for the old gown combo. Another 30mins of waiting and they had the paperwork they were waiting for and I went in for the scan. It was an ultrasound across the veins to locate any potential clots in there. Thankfully they found none and after changing back and another wait I was wheeled back upstairs. Another while of waiting and I was seen by the DVT doc who reaffirmed the scan showed all clear and that I was free to go but had no insight as to what was causing the continued pain. The only advice I was given was go home and if it continues go back to the GP again. Great. So it's probably another "stress related" thing, known as an act of god in some circles, or in others simply one of the world's more annoying mysteries.
So that's it, there's no big problem but it's still intensely painful to walk anywhere and by the end of the day I can't even wiggle my toes without pain shooting through the muscle. Fantastic. I would probably be more relaxed if they'd found a clot because at least then it could be treated, get better, and I wouldn't look/feel like a hypochondriac lunatic.
The other thing getting to me today is that I miss Dan. It's not just that I miss him so much as right now I really want to hear from him. It's crazy, I'm not normally this dependant, but there's been so much stress over the past couple of days...and though I now don't have to worry about any more painful jabs or trips to the hosp I'm feeling lower than ever. Sometimes I feel like I want nothing more than to talk to friends, be around them, stuf like that, but I don't want to be moaning about problems or focussing on them. I used to be that whiney depressed one in the corner and I feel like I'm going that way again which is not what I want. At least here it's easier to sit in the background without dragging anyone else down with me.
I wish I was tired enough to go to sleep so I could just wake up in a day or so time when I can see people again, I'm sick of being so lonely with nothing to do but fill in endless forms applying for soul-crushingly pointless jobs I'm overqualified for and looking at the empty space where not even rejection letters fall. It does have a funny way of making a person feel entirely useless when they don't even get a reply from a ridiculous shop job with training provided when they have a ton of experience in the role and plenty of good grades behind that too.
To pass the time I've been trying to make a level on LBP, building my own rocket powered rollercoaster. It's not as easy as I'd hoped, and the frustration is depressing me more. I'm tempted to just go for some Fallout 3 to kill time until I can sleep again but all I want is to hear from the person I care most about. He's probably run out of credit or gone to sleep after long day at work, so I'm not paranoid about it or anything silly like that, I just miss him now. I didn't realise how dependant I've become on his presence and words to lift my mood. Maybe it's not even so much dependance, as just how low I feel now I crave that which makes me happiest.
~~~~~~~Thought of the Day~~~~~~~
When did it happen? When did missing you turn from a distant apathy to a longing for just one more kiss, one moment in your arms... I'm holding my breath waiting or just one word, because tonight any word will do as long as it comes from you.
Jenivere Out
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